i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
