Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
