Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I don't think brook has ever known best
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We got so high we made milksteak
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
