Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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