At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
