Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
