I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
