They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
