I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
