Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
