I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
