NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
