we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
