Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
