my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
