Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
