Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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