i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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