Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
