So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
