Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
