I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
