all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm just crazy horny about you
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
