she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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