Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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