I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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