Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
