I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
