first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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