Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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