If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
