3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
