I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
