So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
