Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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