Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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