I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
