my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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