I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
that is very illegal...i love you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
