So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
