fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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