i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Who put my cat in the fridge?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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