official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
