I'm drive I can fine osifer
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
