Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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