Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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