i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
organizing the empties. That sober.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
