I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
