That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
