I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
