; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
