Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
